No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
