So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
