I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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