I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
