I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
