Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
vagina is talking i cant
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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