I want to make a zoo with you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize