This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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