hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
