he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Send help, water and tortillas.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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