You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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