she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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