I think my fart just growled at me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
