Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
