OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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