Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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