Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
