dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize