it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
