Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
