when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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