There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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