She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
