why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My vagina is very pro this idea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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