what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
