Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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