She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
