after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
