He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
