to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
