i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
