Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
