Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
