I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
