Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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