ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
