I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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