I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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