If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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