i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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