Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
