so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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