mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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