I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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