If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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