Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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