I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
