please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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