is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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