I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize