I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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