when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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