kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize