My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
