Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
