when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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