I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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