Who wears a wallet chain?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
