I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
