I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
