he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
