You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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