Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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