i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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