We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Shame - the story of my life.
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