my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize