Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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