i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize