how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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