Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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