I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
