I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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