I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
