My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish you could order shots online.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The struggles of a small town man whore
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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