Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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