She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still dying that you shit outside
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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