i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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