Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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