I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of course I have a pirate flag
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
