Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
