If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
