he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why did my mother make you get naked?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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