My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
