he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize