Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
