Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
