Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
