Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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