The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
