I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
