i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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