Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
did i just pee glitter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
