if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
