Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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