okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
