your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
