Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
