your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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