It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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