i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
