your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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