Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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