u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
