I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
